I
have no idea which one is more painful or pleasant, No Mother or No Father. I
thank God for both my parents but mostly my mother. Asking me “How does it feel
like to have No Father?” will be like asking me “How is it in Heaven?” We all
want to go to Heaven and at the same time we are afraid to die. That’s because it’s
only a place we can envision from what is said about it or from what the Bible
tell us but it’s difficult to put an emotion to it. We are not even sure we
would like the place even though we are promised milk and honey. The only
experience we have is earth and whether it’s good or bad we don’t want to
leave, it’s all we have.
Like I explained above its difficult for me
to attach any feeling on whether I wish my father was present on my life or
Not. It’s that part of my life that never existed and obviously I don’t see how
I could miss it. I have never seen him or his family so I can’t even imagine
where I got my looks, traits and talents. It’s even difficult to know whether what
I am feeling is good or bad. Growing up in an extended family made it difficult
to notice that there is a part of me missing. I can’t imagine how my life would
have turned out had he been part of it, and it’s not something that comes to my
mind. As much as I believe that the absence of one parent affects the child, it’s
always difficult to put a measure of to what extent, whether positive or
negative and I wouldn’t even try to go there.
Some things I learnt and will cherish to my
grave that the absence of my father taught me are;
- Self-love; don’t expect anyone to love or care for you more than yourself, don’t blame yourself or make excuses for someone who doesn’t know your worth. It starts with accepting yourself and being content with who you are (your flaws, mistakes, imperfections make you who you are). Keep on getting better.
- Self-dependence; Not everyone will be there for you all the time. Prepare yourself to be abandoned by the ones you trusted the most. You are all you have and you can do bad or good all by yourself. Be grateful for those who stick around but know that, it’s not forever.
- Forgiveness; Forgiveness is the key that unlocks the door of resentment and the handcuffs of hatred. It is a power that breaks the chains of bitterness and the shackles of selfishness.
- Don’t judge before you know the truth; not everything is as we see or hear about it. You have no idea of the pain behind that smile or the happiness behind that cry. There is always a deeper reason as to why we behave the way we do than it meets the eye. Never try to find faults in other people before you notice yours.
When something unfortunate happens in your
life, it doesn’t change who you are. Don’t put a label on yourself in search of
pity. Don’t blame yourself or anyone because you still have your own mistakes
and choices to make and you wouldn’t want to be blamed. Being raised by one
parent doesn’t make you any different from the child raised by both parents. We
are all presented with equal opportunities in life and it’s up to us to live
the life we want. Don’t make your kids despise one of the parent because of the
decisions made. You are enough for that kid until they realize they have to
fend for themselves.
Be a
better person and face your fears and conquer whatever life throws at you. Instead
of feeling sorry for yourself, be determined to change the status quo. Let all
the challenges you go through be a motivation to be a better person and to
excel. Concentrate your energy into being the best you can instead of being revengeful.
