Change your story!

Life can be cruel at times. You can get the hardest slap across your face that would send you down on your bottom. When this happens we react differently, some lie there and cry their heart out, cursing everyone and everything and even the day they were born. You ask yourself "Why me?", why not you?.

And then we have the fearless ones, those who no matter how painful and hard the slap they will stand up and face the challenge again. They remind me of the school fights back then. Those who got slapped and will stand up, face you and say "You wont slap me again". They got slapped again and would still get back up and say "Not again".I think these type of people life get tired of hitting them and at the end they win, not sure though.

When life knocks you down, you have a difficult choice to make. You can cry and tell people how unfortunate you are, some will pity you of course, some will laugh, but eventually people will get used to the story and get tired of the same story. People are always looking for a new story, whether positive or negative, we want to hear and see something different for a change. Yes we get tired, the story no longer becomes interesting. When are you going to change your story?

We have a few who will face the challenge, not necessarily head on, but will train, will learn the tactics, will create a team of like minded who can help them face the fight. They equip themselves and get ready for the second round. And how do they get ready? They ask God for strength, they read books, they ask experienced people. They dream and nurture their dreams such that they are bigger than their fears. These people have a story that is known by everyone. They have been slapped. Some people are laughing at them, those who love them feel sorry for them, they pity them. But they are determined to change that story.

When you decide to change your story, other people will stand up and help you rewrite your story. Do you have the burning desire to re-write your life story. How much are you willing to sacrifice to reach for your dreams. What story are you going to write? Are you going to repeat the same story all over again or are you willing to write a new one, close that chapter and write a good one. Are you going to stay a victim or you want to be seen as a survivor, as a hero despite the circumstances you encountered. Its only a matter of choice, you change the way you see yourself and you tell yourself everyday that you are better than yesterday and tomorrow you will be better than today.

Dont look for people`s approval, the world would tell you you cant do it, that you are not good enough, that you dont have the skills or experience. All these will echo on your head until you believe them. But you can choose to ignore the world and believe in yourself. Do what resonates with you trusting, hoping and having faith on your creator that He wont let you go this far to forsake you. Its only after you have travelled this world, you have set down with different people that you will understand that what you are going through is nothing compared to the next person. That's when you will learn to appreciate the little things that you have.

Only a few if not none will support you during the process, but everyone is watching. Some cant wait to tell you "We told you, you cant do this", some cant wait to congratulate you when you are successful. That's just life! We have to live it anyway. Change your story. Its never too late.

How are you raising your kids?

"Good parenting is not about how to create little prodigies, but rather its how to help our children live their lives to the best of their abilities." unknown

Overprotected kids feel safe and comfortable because they don't have to face any fears. It feels wonderful to a kid and as parents we are proud we are doing great for our kids, but only for a while. Why do our kids feel entitled to everything? What generation are we raising? Are we really proud of ourselves with what our kids become?

It pains my heart at times when I look around and find parents deep in debts, to an extent of committing suicide just because they can't provide for their kids` "wants". We are living in a culture saturated with things. Our kids constantly want more and more and if we don't provide we are labelled, "This b**** is refusing to buy me a new dress, but Fifi`s mother bought her a nice dress", on facebook. Whats up with all the entitlement? Will we rather be labelled than go out of our boundaries to please our kids?. Do we understand the life these kids are going into where almost every door has "NO"?. Are we preparing them for the pain, disappointment they are going to face? If we don`t train them now, we are just heading for disaster. 

The other day my son asked me for P2 to go to school with. I asked him, "Why do you need P2?", "I want to buy chips, other kids are buying chips at break time", I looked at him and said, "Kids are not supposed to carry money to school, the reason they are buying chips is because they didn't have breakfast, if you are that concerned why don`t you take your breakfast to share with them so they don`t go to school hungry, that way they wont have to buy chips". We need to make them understand they can't have anything they want. And I remembered that this was the same principle my mum used on us. Beginning of each term she would buy each one of us a packet of sweets to sell and tell us the profits will be our pocket money and we should have enough to buy a new packet at the end of the week. At first we will eat all the sweets without selling, hoping she will buy or feel sorry for us and give us pocket money anyway. Not with my mother, she won't give you anything, until we understood that we really had to work hard to have the things we wanted. She provided for our needs not our wants.

Those who grew up with both their parents protected and given everything they needed are the same ones who would ask "Whats the goverment going to do with the poverty in my family?", "Whats the council going to do with the rubbish I threw on a public area?" And its a pity they outnumber those who understand that if you find rubbish where its not supposed to be you have to pick it up because your mother wont do it for you and neither is your father. In fact you will have to answer for leaving it there.

One thing I learnt and appreciate from my mother was to reward Hardwork . Every school term you were supposed to tell her which position in class you were aiming for, which grades you were going to get. When you achieve that she will do anything you want for you and she kept her promises. I remember when we wanted a TV, she said "If you all pass and do the household chores without my supervision, I will buy the TV". We managed each other, we supported each other throughout that term and when the results came out, we even chose where we were going to sit because we knew the TV was coming. Are you raising a Confident kid or an arrogant kid? Next blog post.....

The power of vision!

I am this type of person who believes I could find a solution to any problem or challenge that come my way. I might not know how or where to look to at that particular moment but I know it will come and in most cases I wouldn`t have to spend sleepless nights over it. I believed I was just born lucky and my affirmation "God will provide, or God will show me how"always worked wonders. Until I read a book which put everything on perspective.

I have come to a point in my life where I don`t question anything that happens in my life. I might not know what brings about satisfaction in your life but to me having "Peace of Mind" is the most fulfilling feeling ever. And how do you get these feelings;

                                                               mental and emotional calmness

                                                               happiness and freedom

                                                               no worries;

when the world we live in presents; pain and sorrow, heartbreaks, untrustworthy loved ones, no jobs, all disheartening events to name a few. All you need is to find your purpose and have a vision.

Let me be spiritual for a bit now; You see when God created this world, He had a vision, just like a builder building a house will have a sketch of how it should look like before they even start building. Everything was clear to God and He keeps on amending and making new developments to His creation. The world is never coming to an end, that we can bet on. God didn`t save you or me to go to Heaven, No! We are saved to finish our assignments on earth.

You might have come as a surprise to your parents but not to God. He knew when and where He will need you to carry out His assignment. You were born at the right time and place and your purpose has already been finished in the spiritual world, all you need to do is fulfill it on earth. You can have all the riches on this earth, or be the poorest person alive but you will never be satisfied or happy until you fulfill your purpose. You see being rich and being poor are both hobbies chosen by different people, its all in the mindset, buts that`s a topic for another day. Your purpose will come to you as a vision.

Where do you get your vision, and How do you know your purpose?

What I have realised is that, we will enjoy the earthly things, do this, do that and when you have consumed everything or I say tried all, you still find yourself unhappy then you turn to God to give you your purpose. "Your purpose is already there!", (excuse me for shouting) but it has been there even before your were born. We then do all sorts of things to find something that is within us. You go to church to have a prophesy. Sorry to say this but I have never heard anyone saying their prophesy was a lie, these men and women of God have that interesting capabilities of looking into your life and thoughts. They are not looking into your future but giving you hope for the future and making you reflect on your life and thoughts. Some we check-in at sangomas, traditional doctors, pyschics e.t.c

All you need is to look deep into your soul, take time by yourself and do some self-introspection, find who you are and become friends with your thoughts. Can you hear that cry? That burning desire to achieve something, Those thoughts that keep coming back to you year in, year out. Those constant reminders of what you should do? Then dont look any further, God will guide you and bring the right helpers and get rid of the obstacles. Put your trust on Him and He will do miracles.

Get Started!

The vision must be followed by the venture. It is not enough to stare up the steps - we must step up the stairs.

Those who have watched their kids on their first walk will understand. I remember very well the first time my son stood up and moved his foot. Of course he immediately fell, but how quickly he stood up again and tried was a marvel to watch. You could see the excitement on his eyes and feel the determination. All he needed to do was START and I guess we can now talk of miracles if need be. He started and there was no turning back. One foot after the other, falling, standing up, one, two, down, up, one, two, three, yeah! hardwork nana, keep the momentum and Bingo!

The most difficult thing in life is getting started. Many of us do not reach our goals and don`t realize our dreams because we just cant START. You fail to start and eventually you give up on your dream. 

You find this lady you truly love and you wish you could ask her out but you get too scared, what if she say No, what if she doesn't respond as I want. These questions overpower the what if she say YES question and you end up giving up the chase. Then you keep regretting, but you didn't try, you couldn't START the process. 

You have this burning desire to start a business, the idea is great and you are excited about it. A few months later someone else has started the same idea and doing a wonderful job. That`s exactly how you pictured it, and yes you once explained it to them, but you didn't START, no one stole your idea but someone implemented what you couldn't start for so many months. yeah! such is life.

There is a call that PRDP's (whatever that is!) are free and everyone is rushing to the opportunity, well not me, I will wait until everything settles down. By the time everything settles down rules have changed, prices have gone up, you cant do it anymore and you beat yourself up, but you didn't start, you couldn't do it when you needed to. (just saying anyway, not sure this example is relevant). maybe the Gaborone North plots 20 years back would have been a better example.

The bottom line is don`t expect miracles out of nothing. We expect a miracle to happen to someone in Gaborone who went to a tap, turned it on, no water but wait in hope that water will come out, but we cant expect the same to happen to someone lying on a sofa, updating Facebook status "No water here". Make an effort if you want to achieve anything in life. 

Life is exciting once you realize what you can do and how much you can change on this earth. I have this believe that spontaneous people enjoy life. These are people with no boundaries, people who are still kids at heart. And you will find that they are always happy, not because they don`t go through tribulations and heartbreak but because they see beyond the pain. They understand that nothing stays forever and life is all about getting through to the other end. Keep moving forward no matter what.

Life without a Father! (daughter`s perspective)

I have no idea which one is more painful or pleasant, No Mother or No Father. I thank God for both my parents but mostly my mother. Asking me “How does it feel like to have No Father?” will be like asking me “How is it in Heaven?” We all want to go to Heaven and at the same time we are afraid to die. That’s because it’s only a place we can envision from what is said about it or from what the Bible tell us but it’s difficult to put an emotion to it. We are not even sure we would like the place even though we are promised milk and honey. The only experience we have is earth and whether it’s good or bad we don’t want to leave, it’s all we have.

Like I explained above its difficult for me to attach any feeling on whether I wish my father was present on my life or Not. It’s that part of my life that never existed and obviously I don’t see how I could miss it. I have never seen him or his family so I can’t even imagine where I got my looks, traits and talents. It’s even difficult to know whether what I am feeling is good or bad. Growing up in an extended family made it difficult to notice that there is a part of me missing. I can’t imagine how my life would have turned out had he been part of it, and it’s not something that comes to my mind. As much as I believe that the absence of one parent affects the child, it’s always difficult to put a measure of to what extent, whether positive or negative and I wouldn’t even try to go there.

Some things I learnt and will cherish to my grave that the absence of my father taught me are;

• Self-love;  don’t expect anyone to love or care for you more than yourself, don’t blame yourself or make excuses for someone who doesn’t know your worth. It starts with accepting yourself and being content with who you are (your flaws, mistakes, imperfections make you who you are). Keep on getting better.
• Self-dependence; Not everyone will be there for you all the time. Prepare yourself to be abandoned by the ones you trusted the most. You are all you have and you can do bad or good all by yourself. Be grateful for those who stick around but know that, it’s not forever.
• Forgiveness; Forgiveness is the key that unlocks the door of resentment and the handcuffs of hatred. It is a power that breaks the chains of bitterness and the shackles of selfishness.
• Don’t judge before you know the truth; not everything is as we see or hear about it. You have no idea of the pain behind that smile or the happiness behind that cry. There is always a deeper reason as to why we behave the way we do than it meets the eye. Never try to find faults in other people before you notice yours.

When something unfortunate happens in your life, it doesn’t change who you are. Don’t put a label on yourself in search of pity. Don’t blame yourself or anyone because you still have your own mistakes and choices to make and you wouldn’t want to be blamed. Being raised by one parent doesn’t make you any different from the child raised by both parents. We are all presented with equal opportunities in life and it’s up to us to live the life we want. Don’t make your kids despise one of the parent because of the decisions made. You are enough for that kid until they realize they have to fend for themselves.

 Be a better person and face your fears and conquer whatever life throws at you. Instead of feeling sorry for yourself, be determined to change the status quo. Let all the challenges you go through be a motivation to be a better person and to excel. Concentrate your energy into being the best you can instead of being revengeful. 

Just for Laughs (Part 2)..4 jokes that cracks me up every time…

This one ain`t a joke, my cousin was so naughty, (he still is) to a point that it became so annoying. He was 2+ years old at the time and was still learning some words and what they meant. They taught him to answer to any question that started with “Ke mang yo o….?”, “Who did this?” with “Ke nna!”, “Its me.” He would run to the person asking and start shaking them to get the attention, shouting “Ke nna!”He used to get all the beating and what used to kill me with laughter was the expression on his face, going from excitement to sorrow and the fact that he didn't know what he did wrong. Little did we know that we were turning him into a young brilliant liar. Nowadays if you ask him, “How are you?”, he will quickly say “Its not me!”.

And this story my cousin and I laugh about every day. Her cousin was attacked by a thief and demanded for the wallet and cell phone holding a stone on his hand. The cousin was brave enough, and that’s the reason I love English Medium schools as we call them. They teach kids to be brave and to stand up for themselves. He stood there tapping his fingers asking, “So what are you gonna do?” (with that English Medium tone and confidence). My guess is the thief`s response was “I can show you better than I can tell you!” The thief griped him by the neck, held him close and start beating him on the head with the stone clenched to his hand. He took his wallet and the phone and walked away. Moral of the story: You don’t question our traditional thieves because they get so annoyed especially if you try to intimidate them with the Queen`s language. Just give them their belongings and walk away unharmed.

God forgive me for this one but I just can`t resist it. Accidents are awful and there is nothing funny about them. I find this joke funny because I am definitely sure it never happened. It’s a well-known joke but I find it funny every time I hear it. The accident where one`s lips were cut from the mouth and his teeth left outside (smiling type of way). I can imagine how people got pissed by seeing him “smiling” when other people were hurting. “Sir, can you please stop laughing, if you are not going to help us, at least move away from here”.. And the hurting guy trying to explain that he is not smiling…lol.  Anyway these things happen and life goes on. I guess the moral of the story here is Don’t judge a book by its cover (hope i used it correctly)

The last joke: there is always one person in our circles who is just naturally funny. The kind of person you try to avoid when you are in public because you would not want to embarrass yourself. You will laugh until you see your tears running down your legs… And to me they don’t even have to say anything, I start laughing the moment they try to open their mouth to say something. I know for sure whats going to come out of their mouth is funny so I don’t even have to wait to hear what they are going to say. I don’t waste my time. One day you will experience such and you will understand what I am talking about.

And keep a sense of humor. It doesn’t mean you have to tell jokes. If you can’t think of anything else, when you’re my age, take off your clothes and walk in front of a mirror. I guarantee you’ll get a laugh. — Art Linkletter

Do you stand out? (What brand are you?)

 When you know what you want in life and you are willing to work hard to achieve that then you can`t live a free life as you wish. You just can’t, period!

The way you talk, walk, eat, laugh, sneeze, sing, smile, dress,  greet other people, respond to conversations are determined by what you want to achieve, they don’t just happen haphazardly. In our everyday life we are working on creating a brand that can stand out, a brand that we are comfortable in and it starts with knowing what you want and knowing your worth. There is nothing like a bad brand but rather we associate ourselves with different brands due to our different tastes. It’s funny how brands that we don’t associate with always stand out and we are able to recognize but we find it hard to recognize those we think are good for us. A bully who terrorizes the whole village will be known by all and recognized but that faithful woman who takes care of her family won`t be recognized, who cares anyway!

Don’t you think those two people have put equal efforts on creating those brands, for it takes determination, handwork, and persistence to become what you really want to be? Someone will say some brands will not get you anywhere in life and I say that’s your theory still to be proven. What I want is NOT what you want, what makes me happy is NOT what makes you happy. I always envy those people who have managed to build their own brand from scratch and it came out so good that you can’t even imitate.

I remember watching this police story on BTV on bullying and I couldn't stop shaking my head throughout the series because the guy was good. First you should have a dream and then deduce a plan on how to achieve that dream. So his dream was to go to jail, at least I think that was the bigger picture. You don’t just wake up today and go to jail, you have to work hard to achieve that. He decided to bully everyone in the village, from kids to elders. He got recognized everywhere because his brand stood out and he wouldn't pass by without anyone noticing that this guy is going places (to jail of course). He was that good! The question is, Are you that good?

Personal branding is basically selling someone your personality. You need to think hard about HOW you act. You should have a clearly identifiable personality so that people can easily feel like they know you personally, even if they've never met you.

Because your personal brand is built from the thoughts and words and reactions of other people, it’s shaped by how you present yourself publicly. This is something that you have control over. You can decide how you would like people to see you and then work on publicly being that image. Values are the easiest thing to present and have people identify with, so start there. Are you the sort of person who puts ethics above everything else?

Every good brand involves the notion of expertise.  Even if you’re not interested in marketing your advice, you need to create the perception that you are very good at what you do. You need to be an active force in your field. You need to be changing, innovating, and making a significant contribution to your field at all times or else your brand will die out over time.

Be good at what you do so people don’t have to guess if that could be you or not. Stand out from the crowd and show the whole world the true YOU. Be passionate about your brand and let it last a lifetime.