Hate: the bitter pill

In life you must choose your own struggles and live by them. We make a mistake of wanting everything that we see on earth that life start pulling us in all directions. If you want to be rich, focus on that. If you want a healthy lifestyle, focus on that and everything else will fall into place. My struggles as I was growing up was happiness and peace of mind. These were my core, if it made me happy and gave me peace of mind, I will go for it. When life happens, and you start living life as it is, your fantasies all fade away. You then realize its not all glitz, happiness and peace of mind are far-fetched. They are not attainable when people disappoint you, when everything goes wrong, when you are financially stranded.

As if our struggles are not enough there are people who will just hate you for whatever reason and I find myself wondering, “Don’t we have enough on our plate already to be hated?”. I remember my first encounter with someone telling me how much they hate me. Yes, I was as shocked. I couldn’t believe it, to me this was one lie someone has ever told me and to my face. My worry was why this person find it easy to lie to me like that. Where do they get that idea that they hate me? Who gave them the platform to hate me when I never recognized them in the first place? I was not even bothered by why they hate me, but by why they think they hate me.

But then I learnt something valuable out of that. You don’t have to give someone a reason to hate you, people will hate anyway. Whether they know you or don’t, whether you are part of their life or not. Someone will hate you from afar and someone close to you will hate you the same. We hate for different reasons. You can hate someone because they seem to have it all under control while you are struggling. You can hate someone because they are always happy and cheerful when you can`t find anything to smile about. You can hate someone because they seem to be getting along with everyone and no matter how friendly you are, you never seem to get the same reception. Hate has nothing to do with the person it is sent towards but more to do with the hater.

It`s about our insecurities and thinking that everyone is out there to get you. Once you realize that nobody cares about you but yourself, that no one spends sleepless nights thinking about what you have or don’t have, that the world doesn’t really revolve around you, then you will see that its never about you, nobody really cares. What`s even painful is that at times people are not even aware you hate them, they are busy with their own struggle to notice you didn’t greet them when you entered the room. When you have gathered the courage to let them know, it still doesn’t change anything. You may feel better at that moment but, does that change the other person? “I doubt”, Does it change your feelings towards them? “Not sure”, Does your life get better? “I don’t know”, Does your name automatically gets erased from the book of HELL and written on HEAVEN? “maybe”.

It`s you who must change, not the other person. Fight your inner demons instead of trying to find demons on other people. Get to know yourself and appreciate everything about you even your flaws. Stop being too hard on yourself and give yourself some love, so you can be able to give others love even those who don’t deserve it. Self-introspect, get to know why you are feeling like that and work on that.