Letting go

In life we go through so many experiences both good and bad. We are exposed  to certain lifestyles, cultures, opinions, myths and habits. What you turn out to be is a combination of all exposures you had.

The mind is the most powerful part of our body that makes us who we are. When change has to happen in one`s life, first the mind should be willing. As a kid its easier for their minds to learn something, unlearn it and relearn a new one. That's because they have little exposure and they are open-minded about anything.

When I was growing up, I used to hate marriage with every bit of my being. I never pictured myself with a husband, let alone changing my surname to someone else`s. I used to look at couples and thought over my dead body would I go through this. I watched as those egocentric men added no value to their wives lives, how they deprived them of living their lives to their full potential, how they used to disrespect their families and have the society at their mercy, how it used to be a man`s world.

I vowed to myself that no one was going to deprive me of my freedom, no one was going to take care of me and later use that as justification for their wrong doings, no one was going to keep me in the house  to take care of the family while they are out there gallivanting, no one was going to limit my potential and no one was going to tell me how to live my life. My mind was made up when it came to marriage and I didn't see where it would fit into my life. I was this young woman ready to risk it all in a man `s world, ready to break the habits and mostly ready to show the world that a woman can do it all by herself.

There was a point in my life when I was angry with the world, angry with everyone around me and even angry with myself. I had to pause and look deep into my heart and ask myself where all that anger came from. I wondered why the subject of marriage gave me shivers, why I felt the urge to state my opinions even when the conversation was not directed to me. It was the time when I started personal development. Mind you, the intention was not to change my mindset but rather make myself strong-opinionated on my then facts.

I was angry and all the anger came from all the bad things that happened in the past that I had no control over that I was not letting go. It came from all the beliefs that I constantly wanted to prove which were never real. It came from all the exposures of the past which had nothing to do with me. The anger was caused by new exposures, habits and learning which threatened my original beliefs. I didn't want to believe that there may be some truths besides the truths that I have known for the past years. It was hard battling with those feelings when your past, your old beliefs, old opinions, old pain and disappointments were challenged.

We all have reasons why we never want to let go of our old self and as for me, there was someone challenging my old being. I didn't want to give this person the satisfaction of being right or changing my perspective about life. I felt this person had no idea where I was coming from, my past, my truth and their criticism to my facts was an insult to my intelligence.  

To be continued......................