Who is the "side chick"???

For a change I thought I should write about something that doesn't concern anyone and is not important, you get my point?

I have heard this name "side chick" many times and never understood what it meant. So I want to know from people out there what it really means and how to tell the difference between the "side chick" and "main chick", whatever that means also?

But of course I have my own opinion which is somewhat not true or right definition, but I am all ears to be convinced otherwise. If you are married this is not meant for you, but rather for us who have false confidence of promoting ourselves in a relationship without even discussing it with our partners.

Here is the scenario; you start dating this guy and all is cool first months, you don`t ask him about his other girlfriends, you don`t check his phone, you don`t inquire about his friends or his whereabouts, all is superb Until maybe he say something or show you something (I am still to find out what it is though). I call it promotion because now you start calling the shots, hehehehe Modemo! You all know what I am talking about but that`s not the point, you get my point?

The point here is how do you know you are not the side chick? What gives you the guts to call another woman a side chick? What promise were you given that was not given to that other woman? We all know these brothers are not loyal... they are still searching for that lady who can wear their wedding ring and before they make that choice, don`t we think we all stand a better chance? Where is fair competition, I think Competition Authority should look into this matter. "Stay away from my man", the common phrase, hee Batho! what man? whose man? come on guys.

Imagine if the same unfair competition was used when applying for a job. And those with the confidence that they will get the job start harassing those who also want to apply. I can already hear them saying "stay away from my job", and go to the extent of tearing up your application or even beating you up at the interview, ijoo!

You are only cheated on if you are married, otherwise just take a chill pill and relax and take care of yourself. Those battles are not meant for you. You are after all a side chick, period!, wait for the lawful and rightful promotion. We should be fighting against being treated as side chicks, instead of fighting other side chicks. That's so disrespectful to the female species and should be condemned....

Caution: Dont try this at home...

When love hurts!

“Those who are faithful know only the trivial side of love: it is the faithless who know love's tragedies.” Oscar Wilde. I have no idea why I wrote this quote but just IGNORE it, its meaningless..

The scariest thing about falling in love is getting hurt. The scariest thing about getting hurt is not being able to love again. The scariest thing about not loving again is being alone.

To live is to risk dying; 

To hope is to risk failure. 

And to love is to risk rejection; 

But risk must be taken because the greatest hazard in life is risking nothing. To reach for another is to risk involvement, to expose your feelings is to expose true-self; to love is to risk not to be loved in return.

Yes, love does hurt. But that does not mean that you should withdraw into a shell. Find the courage to fight for your dignity and survival. Bandage your broken spirit. The best thing to do when you fall down is to dust yourself and get up once again. Shrug off that feeling of despondency, and chin up.

There is something beautiful about all scars of whatever nature. A scar means the hurt is over, the wound is closed and healed, done with. Holding on to anger, resentment and hurt only gives you tense muscles, a headache and a sore jaw from clenching your teeth. Forgiveness gives you back the laughter and the lightness in your life.

Sometimes the only way to know love is to experience what love is not. Whatever the question, challenge or decision, love is always the answer. God is perfect love, and His desire is for us to model His character. Healing from hurts moves us closer to love.

LOVE: fall but do not stumble, be constant but not too persistent, share and never be unfair, understand and try not to demand, hurt but keep the pain. Our journey here on earth  is to find our way back to unconditional self-love. I give respect to all those whose hearts have been stabbed on, trashed but still found the courage to love again. To those who are wounded right now, my heart beats for you and Remember; Time heals all wounds. You are smart, you are perfect, you are beautiful and lovable. Have a heart that never hardens, a temper that never tires, and a touch that never hurts.

Learn and keep moving.

Don`t You Quit!

Steve Jobs said being fired from Apple was the best thing that could have happened to him; "The heaviness of being successful was replaced by the lightness of being a beginner again, less sure about everything. It freed me to enter one of the most creative periods of my life." And he added, "I'm pretty sure none of this would have happened if I hadn't been fired from Apple. It was awful-tasting medicine, but I guess the patient needed it."

1.    Don’t be afraid to be alone

Along the journey you will be tested. You will go through the unexpected; you will lose those you love be it through death, through breakups. You will lose that job that has been putting food on the table. You will lose trust on some people and they will lose trust in you. They will sabotage every effort you make. They will call you names and shame you. When this happen what do you do? Who do you turn to? This will seem like end of your life if you don’t have a dream and focus. When you have a dream and passion you will not be afraid to be alone. Each one of us has their distinctive purpose in life and dream. You cannot rely on anyone to make you happy and to live your dream, so don’t expect to have someone holding your hand always. Our friends, family, spouses and other people in your life are there to support you, to give you direction and advice when needed and to encourage you but not to live your life and they will not always be by your side. Know that the time will come when you will have to face this world on your own, make your own memories and experiences; to conquer your fears and focus on your dream to make it real.

2.    Be willing to trade off.

Many things will stand on your way to achieve your goals. Those excuses you make every day, if it wasn’t for this, I would have achieved that. Learn to priorities everything in your life. What is more important in your life? How much value does each aspect of your life add to your dream? Living your passion means not compromising, if your best friend is pulling you down instead of adding value to your life, trade off. If your job is standing on your way to achieve what you truly want, trade off. If your partner is of no profit to your life, draining you emotionally, physically, financially and in any way, don’t compromise; trade off.  There are always dream stealers out there. Don’t let them get the better of you. Be willing to trade off, and you can only be able to do that if you are not afraid to be alone.

3.       Fight the urge to give up.

When you know why, how will be automatic. When you know why, you will not quit. Be content with your why, because your why is your dream. Like this Poem says;

When things go wrong, as they sometimes will, When the road you're trudging seems all uphill, When the funds are low and the debts are high, And you want to smile, but you have to sigh, When care is pressing you down a bit, Rest, if you must, but don't you quit.Life is queer with its twists and turns, As every one of us sometimes learns, And many a failure turns about, When he might have won had he stuck it out; Don't give up though the pace seems slow-- You may succeed with another blow.Often the goal is nearer than, It seems to a faint and faltering man, Often the struggler has given up, When he might have captured the victor's cup, And he learned too late when the night slipped down, How close he was to the golden crown.Success is failure turned inside out-- The silver tint of the clouds of doubt, And you never can tell how close you are, It may be near when it seems so far, So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit-- It's when things seem worst that you must not quit.- Author unknown –

Its your Journey.

Be NOT afraid of growing slowly; be afraid ONLY of standing still.

When I look back at my life, I don`t regret any decision I ever made, I don`t regret any of my relationships, I don`t regret any of my friends, I appreciate all the challenges I went through, I am grateful for all the blessings that came my way, and I am SUPER excited to my future. YES my life was of a typical youth in Botswana and is still is. What is exciting about my life are the transformations that I go through everyday.

You ask me today, what Personal Development means and I will answer "Your willingness to invest on your individual self". Individual Self reflects a person`s subjective uniqueness such as traits and behaviors, hobbies and interests, aspirations and goals- that differentiate you from others. How much are you willing to invest, be it money or time on your spiritual realization, on your emotions, mental, physical and social aspect of your life. It all depends on your priorities in life, and if you want to grow as an individual, personal development should be at your forefront. One speaker at a seminar I attended last weekend compared a person on a journey of life- to a vehicle on the road. Every now and then the vehicle has to stop and fuel before continuing with the journey and same applies to us.

For you to reach your destination, every now and then you have to stop and fuel, that is, reflect on the journey, get advice, get some inspirations, recharge yourself and set another pace. I will pay the price, I will dedicate my time for my personal development. I word hard, I party hard, I lazy around more often, my life is so interesting that I cant afford to be on "Low Battery". It might be a slow, long journey but every moment is worth my time and my efforts. I was listening to this Pastor the other day preaching and his message was so powerful and I felt it was directed to me. I wanted to go upfront and shake his hand and say "You are on point Pastor", but was afraid He will say "Fire!" and I will fall to the ground. I am only not that type of risk-taker. His message had the following 3 points which I will explain on my next post. 

1. Don`t be afraid to be alone.

2. Be willing to trade off.

3. Fight the urge to give up.

Remember Its your journey. You are not going to walk on anyone`s shoes and no one wants yours either...

"You have the potential, but you are failing yourself."

“People often say that motivation doesn’t last. Well, neither does bathing – that’s why we recommend it daily.” Zig Ziglar

There will come a time when nothing interests you. You wake up and you are in no mood to do anything yet you have so much to do. You feel nothing is interesting in life, you are not looking forward to going to work, you drag your feet to work after-all you have no choice but to show your face there. Yes! we all go through this most of the days if not everyday.. 

You look around you, you find someone who seems to have all the energy and time in the world, the type of person who is focused and disciplined and you wonder "...is this person on some kind of drugs or what? what keeps them so motivated, don't they ever have setbacks?". But the answer is Yes they also have their ups and downs. The only difference between them and you is that they know WHY they have to do what they do. They have a burning desire to succeed and can`t find any reason not to do it. They have placed a picture of their dreams in front of them and everyday when they look at it, it becomes more clearer and more enticing that they cant let go. They are passion-driven.

Ask yourself today and everyday WHY you have to wake up every morning, why you have to get to that job, why you have to meet those people, why you are in that relationship, why you eat the food that you eat, why you read that book, why you hang out with those friends. What do you really want to achieve? How will achieving that make you feel? Is it money that you want, is it happiness, is it power, is it peace of mind, is it fame? What is it that is burning you inside to accomplish? What is that first step you need to take to accomplish that? Have a clear vision and boldly take that first step because what matters is NOW and what you can do now. Be it talking to someone about your dream, researching on your dreams, asking God to give you strength to do it, writing it down and saying it loud. Do something about it and the more you do those little tasks towards achieving your goal, the more it becomes real and beautiful and before you know it you will be immensely motivated to move forward.

You have all the time in the world, trust me, that job doesnt take all your 24 hrs, that baby doesnt either, neither is that school. Right now at this moment, write down all you did yesterday at work and at home from 8am until the time you went to bed. Include even the time you took to finish each task. Assuming they were all important, calculate how many hours you took doing something. You have the potential, but you are failing yourself. You are your own dream wrecker!

Find your Purpose and LIVE it!

Find your Purpose and LIVE it!

There is that one thing that will happen in your lifetime that will make you realize LIFE is so precious and too short. This can be death of another person, sickness, accidents, trials and challenges and even those happy moments we come across.

This Helicopter incident touched me in a way I never thought it will, At first it was just a funny story going around before it turned into a tragic accident. It made me stop, listen and think, really hard. I found myself saying "God you know why, and why me.". May their souls rest in peace.

Many lives are lost, both young and old but YOU and I are still here to witness all these. Do you ever wonder why YOU? Do you think you were a good driver not to cause that accident? Do you think you were smart not to get that disease? Do you think you were strong not to commit suicide or kill? NO, you were not, you were not good, you were not smart, you were not strong either. Its through the Grace of God that you are alive and you should be thankful.

I believe each life has a purpose and the question is "Do you know your purpose and are you living it?" Purpose just like talent was not written on your forehead when you were born. It is something you have to find and realize through trying and working hard. If you think a singer knew from start that they were good at singing then you got it wrong. That`s why at school you are forced to do all sports activities to find each individual talent. I remember back at school teachers used to give me this book to write those who got positions 1,2 and 3 during athletics. Yes I had a good handwriting but that wasn't the obvious reason. I tried but I wasn't that faster. During singing choirs, I was placed in the middle and told not to take out my voice, so I will be humming throughout the song. I never gave up though, I knew there should be something I am good at and it was a matter of finding it. I tried it all from netball, badminton, traditional dancing, debate, knitting, sewing, cooking, writing, all I could imagine.

Have you tried enough to know you are now living your Purpose? Living your purpose starts with having a dream and making a plan on how to achieve that dream. Its about deciding what makes you happy and whats important in your life, Its about living your passion, your desire and putting a smile on your face almost all day, every day. Lets start hunting as if we are searching for treasure, to find our PURPOSE and LIVE it!

You know the truth; Dont play Victim

This post was inspired by a conversation I had with friends and is dedicated to all women out there. Those who have watched the movie or read a book "Think like a man.........." will relate to this post. More often women are found crying over a cheating boyfriend or husband or maybe just neglect from the partner. Or even worse they complain that the man is not popping out the question but they have been together for too long, or the boyfriend doesn't want kids. What is more painful about this is the FACT that all women know the answers to all these questions.

Does playing victim show the feminine part of us or what? I am no exception and you my friend is neither. Its planted on our DNA to bear all the pain. Just because a woman is prepared for the most challenging and painful experience of child bearing doesn't mean even in life they should be looking for challenging and painful relationships to show their strength. We already know how strong you can be, how much you could cry through the pain without giving up. Most of us have gone through those phases, some of us are still going through it and some of us are going to find ourselves in the same situation sooner or later. It doesn't matter really, that`s what makes life interesting.

In a relationship, a man and woman are different and its important to know the differences to spare ourselves from pain and disappointments and here are the 3 most important differences;

1. A man knows what he wants out of each relationship WHEREAS a woman just go with the flow.

    maybe this is because men are the one who proposes and they choose looking at what they want and women have to wait and see if they will like whoever proposes. 

2. Men listen but don't see WHEREAS women see but don't listen.

Ladies don't think that if you cook or clean for him, that will hint that you want to get married. He doesn't even notice you are doing those. Its not about what you do but how he perceive you. If in some of your conversations he say "You are not marriage material, Who is going to marry you?", he means it, listen to him. But most of the time women won't even hear those remarks. Who listens to that silly stuff anyway, its just a joke. Yes it will be a joke until he chooses the one fitting his description of marriage material.

3. Men act but dont talk WHEREAS women talk but don't act.

They say actions speak louder than words. A man doesn't have to tell a woman how much he loves, cares for her. It shows from his behaviour, his smile and his conversations. You don't have to search for it, but women will want a man to talk about this love, they want him to say it, force words out of his mouth. You are doing this because you see he doesn't love you but you want to feel better about yourself.

A month is more than enough for a man to decide whether you are a KEEPER or a FISH. Your tears won't change his mind. You know the truth, so don't play victim.

What are you willing to give up?

What are you willing to give up?

Do you consider yourself successful? Are you where you wanted to be? Are you happy? Do you enjoy life? If you find that you never ask yourself these questions, pinch yourself to check if you really are alive, maybe you are just a moving corpse…

Success to me is achieving that specific goal you planned to do. It’s the feeling of happiness that comes from excelling. To me it doesn't matter how big or small the goal is but the ability to achieve that goal. Many of us in this country have lived our lives without setting any goals. We were given a manual of life and we followed it every step. Those we see as successful are those who followed every bit of this manual. What does this manual say??

1. 1.       Go to school PSLEàJCàBGCSEàTertiary
2. 2.       Find a job
3. 3.       Get married
4. 4.       Have kids and a family
5. 5.       Look for business to start  (retirement is approaching)

Did you set a goal and say you want to study and get your degree in 16 years? No! You were forced to, and 16 years is the normal duration for a Degree. Did you set a goal and say, I want a job as this earning this amount per month? No! you had to find a job, what else could you have done, because this manual does not provide alternatives, it was time to find a job and any job which you qualified for was OK. You are going from one stage to another just like Baby-Teenager-Adult-Die. This is a manual we are not willing to give up, what more options do we have anyway?

Where are those dreams you had as a child? Did you just throw them out through the window just because the system was not favorable enough for you?  Did you just forget about them just because you are comfortable where you are today? Remember being comfortable doesn't mean you are happy, it just mean you are not willing to get out of your comfort zone and challenge yourself. It means you don’t know what you are capable of and you are not willing to try and see. It means you don’t believe in your dreams and you don’t trust yourself. Too many of us are afraid to be ourselves; we give up our dreams to follow the crowd. Understand that you are the MASTER of your FATE and the CAPTAIN of your SOUL. WHAT ARE YOU WILLING TO GIVE UP?

Roller-coaster that is...Parenthood

Does everyone go through these emotions or some of us are just singled out????

The moment they say "You are going to be a Mother or Father", your world starts changing before you. You are filled with emotions you can't even explain. Some are scared and thinking "Oh my God!, what have I done! Am I really ready for this?". Some are frustrated and disappointed and keep on asking God to wake them up from this terrible dream, "This can't be happening NO, NO, Please No...". Some are so over the moon, so happy! and can't wait to hold that bundle of joy on their hands. Until the bundle of joy turn into a LITTLE RASCAL..

Raising a child is not like building a business where you have to read as many books, attend workshops, build a strong network and master your strategy, well all those doesn't work here. No one is ever prepared or ready. Parenthood chooses you and we are always caught off guard. It's not a question of choice. It changes the way you think about yourself, your family, your friends, and the world at large. It changes the way you look at life, the way you reflect, and the way you act and react. It teaches you to examine things you never gave a second thought to before delivery, and to question the things you always thought were right and true. But the best thing is it brings the best out of you.

Everything involving children is painful in some way, from the moment you conceive, through birth, to keeping you awake in the middle of the night crying, falling sick, falling while trying to walk or stand, destroying everything in the house they come across, eating what they are not supposed to eat, from your simcards to soap and just anything. And as they grow you think you are done with that and now you going to enjoy life, ha! ha! believe me, that previous phase was just nothing, now you are into real parenting. The emotions, whether they are joy, sorrow, love or pride, are so deep and sharp that in the end they leave you raw, exposed and yes, in pain. The human heart was not designed to beat outside the human body and yet, each child represent just that - a parent's heart bared, beating forever outside its chest.

The beauty of having children is that, there is never a dull moment at home, it doesn't matter how old they are, 5 years, 15 years, 25 years, 35 years or 45 years, its just drama after drama, laughter after laughter, sorrow after sorrow and just a ROLLER-COASTER OF EMOTIONS. It is a beautiful ride, a wild ride, and the most incredible journey you will ever take.

I Just Got Paid Syndrome

FINALLY! Payday has arrived, and you can feel your body quiver in anticipation (that may be the wallet you are sitting on). As that message beep on your mobile phone, your brain is casually deciding what you are going to buy first, your stomach sinks through the floor, through the Earth and somewhere far into Las Vegas. That paycheck you've been longing for?

I wonder how you feel on payday. Are you happy? Excited? Relieved? Indifferent? I know people will assume the next person feels the same way as they are feeling but I doubt that’s the case. Came across an article which talked about how people feel on payday and I am going to quote it as is;

“Let’s take a look at some of the feelings that I think people probably feel when it is payday for them.

WOO! It’s Payday! (Happy/Excited)

I think there is a large group of people that are happy when it is payday. Why are they happy? Some are happy that their bank balance increased because they paid themselves first. Others are happy because they now have money in their checking account to go spend on the hottest gadget of the month.

Relieved It Is Finally Payday… PHEW!

I’d say there is a smaller group that is relieved that it is payday. Actually, the more I think about it the more I think this group is larger than I’d hope. My bet would be that this group barely stretched their budget to make it to the next payday. More likely this group is relieved because they finally have some money in the bank account again to pay a debt collector or past due bill. 

Meh… It’s Payday (Indifference)

At this point I have no clue how many people feel indifferent about payday. Why would people feel indifferent? They might not have to worry about bills because they have a full emergency fund and some extra slack in their bank account to cover an extra month of budget.

Others might feel indifferent because they simply just don’t care about money at all. These people are either doing well for themselves and have a secure financial picture or they just don’t care at all.

Then, of course, there are the people who feel indifferent because they don’t even realize it is payday. Again, these people are likely oblivious or are financially secure.”

Payday does affect one’s behavior and it leads to many bad things we only take for granted. Will only mention a few and hope I wouldn't have to explain anything since its common sense (whatever that means)

1. 1.    I don’t understand why suddenly people have a great appetite, this appetite can’t be satisfied at home, No, eating out and the meals in front of them you won’t see them from the other side.
2. 2.      High mortality rate due to some consumption which may lead to dangerous behavior.
3. 3.  Every car on the road resulting in traffic and accidents. (it’s hard to get in a traffic accident if you can’t afford to leave the house)

As I said just to mention a few, I could go on but you know I like to keep my posts as short as possible not that I have nothing to write but……………

Paycheck to Paycheck Cycle

I wonder who will relate with this one, but I am definitely sure many.....

1. Days before Payday: Broke mode

The last time you looked at your account balance, oh not look but thought about your account, it just turned your face sour. Imagine this scenario, You are walking down the road and someone dropped their wallet, as broke as you were you pretended to turn a blind eye. As soon as they were in no sight you rushed to pick up the wallet and what you saw was..

and I wonder how thieves really feel when this happens after their hard work and putting their lives at risk.. This mode can be best described as the unhappy mode, you can tell from the way a person walks (you walk facing down, you are too ashamed to look at the world), the way they dress (its like something bad happened to your wardrobe, you got robbed and people had to donate clothes for you and they don`t seem to go well together) and even their face (suddenly pimples are harassing you). You send out call backs but you get no response and you start telling yourself, "Oh, this is how they operate, they don`t call when I am down, just wait until I get paid, I will show them who I am". Hey, you are not the only one who is broke, so give people a break.

2.  A few hours before payday: Anxious Mode

You know today is the day, you are anxious, restless, all these emotions fill up your mind. And then "what ifs" start to take over, What if we don`t get paid today? You know for sure you will collapse....Your phone beeps and excited you pick it up with a smile and there is a promotional message from Mascom or Orange, hahahaha! Back to that anxious face again, you start pacing around the office, you forget what you being paid for. After a long, energy consuming wait, you get paid and Yipee!.......

This brings an interesting, dangerous mode which I will explain in the next post called "I just got paid"!

5 Tips to Success.

I am not a speaker nor a motivator. Not even a counselor or anything of that sort but just a mere writer. Writing is what I love  and what I enjoy doing. Our weaknesses in life open doors of opportunity for us.

I am naturally a quite person, shy to the bone. I speak when spoken to and don`t talk a lot. As an entrepreneur, these qualities are your weaknesses. Through these weaknesses I realized an opportunity. There was an urge to share my views with people , to express how I feel in a more sensible way. Some of us do that by singing, some through poetry, some by dancing, some by dressing up, some through painting, some through cooking,  and I had to Write. 

You want to be successful in life?  Here are the 5 tips you won`t go wrong with.!

1. Let us not try to be "Jack of all trades, master of none". Realize your "calling" and perfect it to the best of your abilities. Your calling should be something you are passionate about, something that gives you joy, something you can do without being paid, something that no matter how busy your day is, you always find time to do.

2. Keep a notebook with you at all times. If you wake up at 3 a.m. with a brilliant idea, write it down. A blank notebook becomes a suggestion box for your brain, opening you up to new ideas.

3. Realize failures bring about success. Risk is all about trying, getting in the game. You can't succeed if you aren't in the game.

4. Have confidence. Decide you are confident and have a more playful, less serious attitude about life. What`s with being uptight? 

5. Get your priorities straight. The way you get meaning into your life is to devote yourself to loving others, to your community and to creating something that gives you purpose and meaning. 

Let yourself experience emotion. Know what love, grief and pain are. And above all be yourself!

Message to you!

Hello once again and Welcome back!

 

God has given us yet another year to fulfil our purpose on this earth. We are all writing our own books of life and we better ask ourselves if we are writing a masterpiece or just a book full of crap. One thing I learned with aging is “to live with no regrets”. I have failed many times and have succeeded more times than I have failed, because my failures were never my setback but my motivation to work even harder and focus more. I have cried my eyes out and always remembered my hands to wipe away the tears and smile again. My heart has been broken before but I always managed to find the scattered pieces, pick them up, make it whole and be able to love again wholeheartedly.

No matter what happens in your life, always see the better side, as they say, “There is always light at the end of the dark tunnel”. When night falls, we know there would be light in the morning. Every night before you go to bed ask yourself if you are ready for tomorrow because if you are not, it will be a waste to even ask God to wake you up in the morning. Ask not anyone but successful people what the key to success is, and they will tell you “Preparation”, anyone else will say “Money”, #always thinking the end results and never the process#. Every morning when you wake up, smile, because that’s a blessing in itself. As you step out of your house, smile and say, “World, here I come”, because you are stepping out into opportunities, beautiful, endless opportunities which await you to tap into.

Now my new year`s message is: This is our year, a year to stop complaining and start solving problems; A year to stop depending on the government but the government to depend on us. Make your mark visible and do the best you can. We are raising a generation of go-getters, a generation which is talented, smarter, intelligent and innovative. So believe in yourself and in your dreams. Remember You are Extraordinary and unique. Dream Big and Bigger and Bigger....

To men: Be as gentle and responsible.

To Ladies: Know your worth, Be a woman of virtue.

Compliments of the new season to all of you.!!!!